My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship. Though hard to accept, the truth we continue to ignore is that we do not understand each other. Instead of addressing what was wrong and trying to overcome our differences, over the years we chose to continue to view the world as if we were living on different planets.
Our old drag out, ugly arguments over nothing were known to grow into days of tension and despair.
Time and time again in our relationship, we avoided the elephant in the room.
By the time I had grown, I wasn’t certain I would ever return to my New England home, high on a majestic bluff, overlooking the ocean. The discord and sadness it brought to my soul were just too much.
So, it’s not surprising that our old patterns would once again emerge during a recent visit.
Reclaim What You Can
The difficult relationship between me and my mother had never been resolved. Over the years, we had both allowed our anger, pain, and sadness to rob us of the precious time we might have shared.
Now, I was back home helping my 88-year-old mother pack up all the many treasures she and my dad had collected over the years.
The home she and my dad created more than 65 years ago is being passed onto a new family.
A life well lived in this beautiful old house was soon to be a thing of the past. Years of memories that included family celebrations, marriages, raising children, and watching her only grandchild run outside and play with glee would soon be all that was left to her.
It was time to reclaim whatever I could; whatever was left of our wounded relationship.
Make Peace with Your Past
There’s no better time for deciding to let healing begin than the present moment you are in because time is so short and never guaranteed us.
The first thing I had to confront was my desire to run away from the pain.
Instead of letting all of the years of struggle between us dictate how I would act (or react) toward my mother during our time together – I had to decide to truly be in the moment.
I knew that for any healing to take place, I had to separate this moment from what had been and make peace with my past.
I needed to acquire a different perspective, and be willing to see this moment in time through my mother’s eyes…not just my own.
For healing to begin, I needed to understand what she was:
- Thinking
- Feeling
- Experiencing
And so, we talked…
- About the past
- About hopes and dreams
- About what the relationship was
- About what the relationship could be
- About “where do we go from here?”
Through conversation, I was able to see how difficult it is for my mother to accept the changes being forced upon her. To accept help from others. To accept that her heart is being ripped out at the prospect of leaving her beloved sanctuary.
We were opening communication channels that had been too long closed. We were making ourselves available to one another in a new way.
Move through the Healing
The ability to accept that a relationship is difficult is so important for successfully overcoming anger, guilt, and any other emotional burdens you may be carrying.
Being able to communicate your feelings and being willing to listen to how the other person feels is a great place to start. But it’s also important to move through the process no matter how uncomfortable things might get.
- Don’t permit yourself an escape route just because the road gets too bumpy.
- Don’t hide from the truth. Instead, tighten your seatbelt and face it head-on.
- Don’t become stuck in that rut that you know will never change, spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.
- Don’t focus on the past. Let go of it and choose where you want to go from here.
Move Forward in Healing
Maybe you realize, as I have, that it’s time to move forward.
If you’re dealing with a difficult relationship, consider what time it is.
- It’s time to accept who you are.
- It’s time to be okay with what is not.
- It’s time to let go of unworthy expectations.
- It’s time to overcome lingering disappointment.
I’m grateful to have had this time to grieve time lost with my mother. I’ve moved through the process to a place where I choose to celebrate what we have, love her without expectations, and honor one another as the women we are in this moment of our lives.
Where Will You Go From Here?
Are you ready for a new perspective that gives you the freedom to overcome your past and reclaim your life?
If you’d like to break through the emotional barriers preventing you from living a fulfilled life, it’s time for you to experience an Equine Inspired Retreat.
Since 2003, I’ve created retreats for heart-centered women, just like YOU, that offer women the total freedom to explore WHO they really are as they allow The Healing Herd to guide them.
Ready to live your life as the woman you were meant to be – free from guilt – in the beauty of your personal brilliance – empowered and moving ahead in grace and ease?
Grab your Complimentary Discovery Session TODAY – and let’s get started!
